For a hot second I tried the dating app Bumble, seeing as it's hailed as a feminist app (meaning the woman has to make the first contact once you "match" with someone - and let me tell you how much pressure that puts on you to be clever or interesting) and my friend recommended it. It was entertaining mostly when I was home alone drinking a glass of wine and swiping (mostly left). There were occasions where I would wake up the next day to see who I swiped right and matched with and really wonder what I was thinking. Luckily I refrained from making any embarrassing contacts (mostly because I couldn't think of anything clever to say). One time I matched with a tall guy and I told him I really needed help getting things out of my top kitchen cupboards - he never responded. I also asked someone if they were good with spiders.
You literally get 5 photos and 1 paragraph of information on a guy - and in some cases they don't write anything or write their height (if they are tall) or "taller than you" (if they are short and have a complex). What can you tell in 5 photos? Well, you can tell if they are a douchy/frat boy type pretty quickly, or if they have dirty apartment bathrooms and absolutely no skill at taking selfies. What struck me was how many guys take photos with a dog (not always theirs) and with kids and then very clearly state "not mine" - what are you doing with someone else's kid on a dating site. So wrong.
In my brief time using Bumble, I decided to meet up with two different guys. Mostly as a social experiment to see what kind of story might come out of it. I used the in app texting feature with guy #1 and quickly learned that he was a casual dater and wasn't really looking for anything serious. Well me neither at that point so I met up with him at a wine bar at 5pm. If he was interesting I figured we could grab a bite to eat nearby. First impression when we met up was that he seemed normal enough and was tall and attractive. We conversed over wine, it was like meeting a friend's friend at a party and just chatting casually with no expectations. Dinner never happened because he had already eaten and so I ordered a cheese plate to go with my wine - he informed me he was lactose intolerant and didn't eat any dairy. I thought, good, more for me. I discovered that he'd struggled with weight and had issues with food. Not so attractive in a man - I appreciate healthy eating but not someone with issues about food and guilt over indulging.
Guy #2 I could tell was really into his dog, so at my suggestion we went hiking with our dogs - yeah I know, not the safest way to meet a stranger, but we had our dogs so there seemed to be safety in that. It was 100 degrees and the hike was fairly advanced. I mean, I am in shape but this was a test of fitness to see if I could hang. I sweated profusely and tried to make small talk as we hiked uphill for 30 minutes. He seemed nice, was a little younger, but then low and behold lactose intolerant and some guilt issues with food. Two for two with men and food issues. While he seemed nice enough and maybe we could have enjoyed a meal out and a more normal date I sort of let his texts go unanswered until he stopped trying. Oh no, I just realized I "ghosted" him - he never did try to call though and I'd like to think I would have answered an actual call.
So other than those two I did try mightily to meet up with guy #3 but obstacles kept getting in the way over and over and I took it as a sign. Guy #3 was very attractive, an athlete, a coach, and really seemed like someone I could have fun with. Not a serious boyfriend contender, more of a fun friend with benefits. The last attempt I made to meet up with him was after a flight back into town that got delayed and cancelled. So I decided fate was intervening and I wasn't meant to start something up with this one (btw - he posed with a dog in one photo that wasn't even his!).
So my foray into app dating was interesting but not sure it's my thing. I don't think you can get enough from 5 photos and 1 paragraph of writing. I find that you can't really know if there's something there unless you physically meet someone - it's often a magnetism that draws you to them, something you can't explain. A sparkle in the eye, a come hither look, a spoken word...there's a lot more than you can get from meeting someone in person and I know the app is a conduit to that, but it seems like a lot of work. It was a fun experiment though and maybe I'll try something like it again...
