In the Name of Beauty

Every 4-6 weeks I go to a complete stranger and allow her to electrocute my va-jajay...all in the name of beauty.  No this isn't some fancy new shock therapy geared towards increasing "drive" or rejuvenating the privates, but rather plain old laser hair removal.  A procedure I have been thinking about doing for many years now, you see, although I'm blond (with a little help) I descend from ancestors of the hairy-German variety - my maternal grandfather had some impressive hair growth on his fingers and toes and a carpet-like covering on his chest and back.  Luckily that was counterbalanced in my genetic make-up by my fairly-hairless father.  Needless to say I have griped about shaving my armpits and bikini area for years.  And since this is my year of change I took the plunge and handed over a wad of hard-earned cash to get tortured every 4-6 weeks.

We of the woman-kind seem to enjoy torturing our bodies in order achieve (or retain) beauty.  We cannot simply age gracefully because our society places such high value on youth.  I recently watched an Oprah with Teri Hatcher and some other older-generation beauties in which they were discussing just this matter.  Our life-expectancy is increasing, yet society has little regard for people over a certain age and there is an intense pressure to remain looking young.  Women can't just be 50 and look 50, they need to be 50 and look 30 (without looking like they've had "work" done).  So does that mean at 30 I should still look 15? 

As a woman no longer in her 20s what I want in a future partner has evolved.  He will be someone who looks beyond outward appearance and appreciates me for who I am.  He will love how I look now, but won't love me any less if my looks fade into an older version of what they are today.  I don't plan to be a woman who surgically seeks continued youth.  We'd all like smooth and flawless thighs, flat abs, and perfect boobs that point skyward, but we can't all stay looking 20 forever.  My stomach shows proof of having born two gorgeous children and when I look at it in the mirror I find incredible beauty in that. 

"Couples" Therapy: Insight into Men v. Women

We haven't been a couple for 5 months now, but the ex and I are finally going to therapy together.  We have two children so we need to be on the same page so our focus began with them.  Inevitably we've also delved into the demise of our relationship.  Our story is likely no different to any other couple's story - when communication lacks relationships suffer.  He wanted something from me but didn't communicate, I wanted another thing from him but didn't communicate.  We all assume the other can read our minds or know what we want.  We assume our significant other knows us well enough to know when we're upset about something.  Ehhh <insert annoying buzzer noise>.  What I realized from talking to the therapist (and something I thought I always knew) is that men and women are SO incredibly different in how they think and communicate - it really is a wonder that any relationships work long-term.  I guess those that make it know how to talk it out.  You get upset or want something from the other person, you talk or yell or fight it out, then you get on with life. 

One significant difference that came up in our therapy session is what invigorates women versus men to be "in the mood."  Men (and this is a generalization, some like random things like computer servers and ewoks and star trek) are visually stimulated and like sexy things; women on the other hand respond to their significant other doing things like cleaning the bathroom, doing the dishes, or helping relieve their stressful burden of household chores in a plethora of other ways.  Do men even know that?  I think a lot more of them would be jumping to help tidy the kitchen after dinner if they did.  I did a little (non-scientific) research and came up with a hilarious series of pictures from a book called Porn for Women

I don't know about you but I'd certainly be more "in the mood" if someone cooked me dinner and cleaned up too without being asked.  I found the following in one more scientific article: "According to research conducted in the “love labs” of Dr. John Gottman at the University of Washington, when men contribute more domestic labor, their wives may be more likely to get “in the mood.” Coltrane said wives may be less stressed over balancing work and home. In addition, Coltrane, Gottman, and other social scientists report that wives interpret husbands’ domestic contributions as a sign of love and caring and are therefore more sexually attracted to their mates. Although there is more negotiation over who does what in such families, it appears that their relationships actually improve."

Makes sense, right?  So the take home for today's lesson in relationships (from someone who is no longer in one) is communicate, communicate, communicate and subtely drop hints to your man (perhaps print a few articles or e-mail some links) that he might want to think about helping around the house.

The Divorce Diet

Have you ever had an extra <insert number here> pounds that seem impossible to lose?  Who am I kidding - I should have just asked "are you a woman?"  I had an extra 10 pounds that hung onto me for dear life after I had my kids and those 10 pounds seemed to really like being a part of me.  I have to admit that I avoided the gym for the past 4 years, partly because in that time period I was pregnant twice (and who needs to work out while pregnant, right?), and mostly because I resisted the gentle (and not so gentle) suggestions from my loved ones that I should work out.  It was my stubbornness shining through (and my hope that I would be loved no matter my shape or size).  The funny thing is I like to exercise, and I like the gym.  I still made every excuse in the book not to go.

Well a little known fact is that divorce is a great diet.  I don't recommend it for those of you looking to lose weight, but if there is a positive side-effect to break-up then I sure as heck am going to bring it up.  When I Googled "divorce diet" I found an article (actually there are thousands) on just this topic.  Here is a little snippet from the article:

The divorce diet is "a phenomenon known all too well to survivors of painful breakups: the tendency to lose a lot of weight, quickly, while going through a divorce. And no, we're not talking about the 170 pounds you just dumped from your life. We're talking about the pounds that melt away like butter on a hot day, while your heart breaks into a million pieces. Yes, this diet works. But nobody will tell you it's easy."

-Link to Dallas Morning News Article-

Losing weight is a pretty no-brainer equation - burn more calories than you consume.  If you're interested in how this works in terms of the divorce diet, here is what I have found:

Ingredients:
1 part stress
1 part lack of appetite
2 parts hoping to appeal to the opposite gender
a dash of insecurity
a sprinkle of self-doubt

Instructions:

1. To counter the effects of the stress, visit the gym often and feel better from the side-effects of the endorphins.  Get inspiration from other gym-loving mommy friends.
2. To cancel out the insecurity and self-doubt, get body back in to shape by visiting aforementioned gym and buy new cute clothes.
3. Step 2 also helps you to appeal to the opposite gender (even if you are far, far away from going there).
4. When cooking food for your kids, wait until they are done to eat since inevitably you will finish their food.  This helps you avoid eating two meals (this step is also beneficial to moms not going though divorce).
5. Focus on all the positive in your life, rather than the negative, and try to keep a smile on your face even if you hurt inside.

Check it out - Before & After

Unmarried White Female

Did you know that in the legal world when you get divorced you go from a status of Married to Unmarried.  Never again are you Single!  How does my personal ad sound now - "unmarried woman seeks lovely man to enjoy romantic evenings cuddled in front of the fireplace" - doesn't it make you think I want to be married again, like now, pronto, desperately?  Maybe I'll hold off on posting my personal for a while longer...Match.com will always be there, filled with pages and pages of people just hoping to meet their soul-mates (or bed-mates).  For now I am content to enjoy my unmarried-life; unmarried is uncomplicated.  I get to put myself first in my relationship with me.  I get to eat chocolate for dinner and watch all the girly shows and chick-flicks I want.  I don't have to think twice that Sunday means Football and I don't have to buy beer when I go to the supermarket.  Heck, I don't have to shave!