New but not Improved

You know what feels great? Imagining your ex wallowing in despair at his foolishness and regretting his decision to leave for the rest of his life.  The image below is what I was expecting.  And the possible future groveling and begging for another chance.  To which I would gallantly say "pooh, pooh. you had your chance and blew it buster."

You know what doesn't feel great? Discovering that your ex took up with another woman (okay girl) just weeks after he left you.  Did I mention Rebound Girl is 21.  When we had our first child 3.5 years ago Rebound Girl was not yet a high school graduate.  I know what he is thinking.  But what could Rebound Girl be thinking?  Then I remember I was her age when I met him and recall the things that appealed to me at that young, carefree, party-girl age - and let's face it, the ex has not changed in the last 9 years.  And then I also think of all the girls who get caught up with married men, believing that they will leave their wives for them, and feeling special because of it, because they are the chosen ones.  Oh dear poor young girls.  If only you could meet your future selves for coffee and experience the wake-up call of your future hurt.  We all must make our own mistakes though.

It's all good and fine to worry about young girls being foolish, but what about me?  Oh lord did I feel the effects of the ugly green monster of jealousy.  I almost didn't recognize myself.  In an instant my confidence went out the window and I became a shadow of myself, jealous that Rebound Girl had what I couldn't keep.  I started to wonder what was so wrong with me that he left me and went running into some young thing's arms that is not half the woman I am.  Hurt, despair, depression...hello self-loathing.  I couldn't sleep or eat (positive side-effect = weight loss) and I started blaming myself for the downfall of our relationship.  Fast-forward a week and thankfully the real me returned.  Exercising and talking about it with girlfriends brought me back to my sanity.  And the realization that Rebound Girl has a broken man on her hands, a man that doesn't meet my qualifications for a good partner.  Phew, thank goodness my insanity was temporary. 

You know what's funny (okay, none of this is really funny)?  Ex and I used to joke about him trading me in for a younger model (people, I'm only 30 with a lot of life left in me).  The thing he doesn't realize is that while the leather may be smooth and without creases, the new model lacks many of the features that the older and more dependable model has.  It seems that all that matters to ex is that he look cool and drive something that makes people turn their heads and want to be him.  The convertible sportscar may make you feel cool, but there's no room to bring your friends along for a ride, or to strap the carseats in, or to take the long drive through life.  The convertible will only get you so far and then you'll be trading it in for something else in the constant search for a model that makes you feel young and cool and hip once again.