Revelation

Most of my close family and friends are aware of my current life situation.  Some of you may be hearing all this for the first time.  Four months ago my husband left me over a breakfast conversation as I was getting the kids and myself ready to go to work for the day.  I was a Lakers-playoff widow that week, just as I had previously been a ski-season widow, and I asked my husband if he could watch the Lakers game at home that night.  He bluntly said "No", and I responded "For once I wish you would choose me, us, over everything else." The response I received was "I don't think I can ever do that."  Way to drop a bomb.  Over breakfast?  Really?  So my non-believer-of-couples-counseling husband made up his mind that our relationship was over.  Then and there.  Over breakfast on a random Wednesday.  In front of the kids.  Wow.

It has been four months but I started therapy just two weeks ago.  I have had a lot of support from friends and family and lots of long talks, but there's something about opening-up to someone that isn't partial to one side or another that helps.  Hearing an unbiased opinion and learning that I am not the first (nor will I be the last) to feel how I feel really helps.  As part of my therapy, I've decided to blog about my experience and to open up to the world about how I am feeling about my separation and divorce.  I have moments of anger, of sadness, of hopefulness, of downright depression, and that's all in the course of a day.  Mostly I am content.  I am an incredible mother and have two gorgeous children that fill my heart with all the love I need.  I have a house and a great job and so many loving friends.  I have an amazing mother and dream inlaws (and yes, they will always be my inlaws).  I have a sense of humor about some things, and am fiercely practical.  So much so that after about three days of mourning my marriage I started researching the divorce process and spent the first few months managing my divorce paperwork and the refinance of my house.  I have become my own divorce attorney thanks to the World Wide Web.

Like with all things in my life I set out to be the best I can be.  I set out to be the best wife close to 6 years ago, and now I am determined to set out to be the best single mother possible.  Who knew it would come so easily - actually the day my husband moved out my list of chores grew only by 2 items: take out the trash and pay the gardener.  I had plenty of practice being a single-mom in the previous year, with many a weekend here, 5 days there, and even 10 days on an occasion.  The impact on my life the day my husband moved out was minimal.  Am I allowed to admit that I felt a sense of relief.  I had spent years taking care of a grown man and years putting his needs first; feeling the need to check-in with him before I made plans.  I spent years getting very little back.  I finally felt like I could breathe again. 

So if you feel inclined, join me on my journey through separation, divorce, and beyond.  What the future brings I cannot be certain of.  I am entirely optimistic though.